What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 18:20
My life is so biszare .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Why does a straight man like anal penetration?
This is soul school!.
When she asked me how she looked .
(And it was in our own minds.)
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Do you find Anushka Sen attractive?
She married twice! .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Who then, do I blame.?
Why are people saying that Trump is fat when he is an athletic 6 foot 3 and 215 pounds?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But ive been too sick for many years..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Why do wives cheat with black guys?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Why do doctors refuse HRT to menopausal women but hand them out to trans people?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Why is it that women are stronger than men nowadays?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
How did you as a human being change while growing up?
She found it foreign!.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I was seconnd youngest,
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I have no regrets .
So, i spoilt her more .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
So whats the point in blame.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Would this be the day?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But, we were locked up after school.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I never cut or harmed myself..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
It was going to be , some day.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I write beautiful poetry .
She was in good health!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
We were not on the streets..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Ive learnt so much.
And i lived it daily.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Comes on , in middle age.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Put me off passion for life!!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
One cannot live in the past .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Why did i forgive my father ?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I will be 64.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I was 9 years of age.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I was very sick at this time too.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
All the time i was locked up.
I said to her
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I could never make a relationship work though!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I waited trembling.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
We all went to grammer schools
I think the readers, may guess!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I was scared of men, in general
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She wouldn,t have been !
He knew the spot.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She loved him until the end.
My family never makes their pension either.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I couldn’t, believe it.
What did i know ?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Im still living with it.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Was to survive, this bastard.
But it wasn’t much.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I don,t even have a pension.
As i do to all so called friends.?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He resisted the act ,that day.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,